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[liuli]

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[liuli]

you have had trouble throughout your life resisting a temptation. you allow yourself two particular vices, both of which come with consequences. but this vice is your survival - good or bad or otherwise, you need it like a drowning man needs air. you have to have it. your chance is coming, and who knows how long you'll be trapped here? it has already been weeks, and you're playing the game with a handicap.

you can't have that.

truthfully, you've known from the start that this was going to end this way. there was no other story where you did the unselfish thing; where you listened to advice, where you took their offer, their kindness, where you put yourself into their capable hands, because your closely guarded self is so vulnerable, and you can't allow anyone else to solve it for you when the solution is right there. you couldn't resist at home. you can't resist here. the ability to have a taste of normalcy is just one night away.

you choose carefully. a target that needs to be eliminated. it's nothing personal; you have something you need, and you'll strike the target down with precision to ensure that it becomes yours. you've always been a planner. you've started the seeds of your trap days in advance.

when the night comes, you take an unfamiliar weapon. the world around you is pitch black and quiet - but you're used to that, aren't you? but maybe just the feeling of anticipation that makes everything seem faint. you take a deep breath, and focus on the wind, on the way the air moves through the vents, through the hallways. on the slightly sterile smell of this place you've grown used to. turn left there. turn right there. there's a jut in the hallway right here. keep up appearances. keep moving. there's something else, too - something just unnatural. just this side of iron tinged. you stand in that little room with the weapon in your hand.

and when the doors open, you feel the wind and you know your target is in front of you. you are unhesitating as you dash forward. you are skilled, and even if your target is just as ferocious, you will survive this. you will survive this. you will survive this.

(what's a promise made to three, four people, when you're used to carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? where does your fate lead you?

not to your deathbed, here. not to your capture. you'll pull this off. you'll get away with it, you'll do what you've been asked, no matter how heavy the burden, no matter how difficult the task.

you'll survive.

you always do. )