Identical questions? Us? Not communicating? Preposterous.
Don't look at me. I had prior engagements. We've talked nearly every day, it would be stranger if I didn't.
[ my wrath privileges. ]
Hopefully the organization put forward will limit it, but we ought to keep it to one person per Avatar at most. Though - I don't think it will be too much longer, if they're successful.
I think we all ought to stop messaging her entirely for now. She's safe.
I wasn't suggesting not talking to her. Simply that I haven't spoken to her in the past week other than texts, and there would be too much I feel I would have to say, and at a point it no longer seemed wise.
... I don't blame you. We talked some in person Monday. I've put aside what I can, but it's not gone - I don't think it can be. It was easier to talk with that than over text, however.
Edited (that made no sense wtf ) 2021-04-01 23:22 (UTC)
One of our earliest conversations, she told me she wasn't sure she could be quite as ruthless as she thought she was going to have to be. I said at the time - then don't. You will regret trying to be something you aren't. And she said it wasn't so simple as that. . .
I understand her plight so entirely, but that is why it is also difficult. Because she would have known what I meant by that. That my experiences are not irrelevant to the question of whether it is acceptable to exchange the souls of a group of sacrifices for power, even if the exchange appears to be necessary for survival.
My mother and father killed themselves because this is exactly what they did, in order to ensure they had an heir; to ensure I was born. And the exchange was necessary to them, necessary to our survival, and for that reason they could live with it, until the day they couldn't justify it any longer.
So I understand all of it, and I cannot hate it or blame them for it, but if I must be party to it I don't think I can live with it, either. I have never been able to live with being two hundred corpses and I cannot bear any others. Unless we can fix it, I think I may have always been destined to die here, whether by someone else's hand or my own.
[ there's a little while between the responses, here. ]
I see what you mean.
... I have wondered what the limitations and extents on these wishes are. There are still too many things up in the air to even think of anything yet. I have no interest in daydreams, as you know.
But, ...I thought perhaps I might use mine for a different intention than initially planned. Depending on those limitations. To fix it.
I'm not sure whether I can use my wish to help you do that, seeing as I don't know what it is. According to Molly, it is only for one person. Which is a significant surprise to me, as I don't have any friends whatsoever who aren't already here? But if anything, I've learned the value of individual people here, so I suppose I can't be so quick to trade it.
Were I to do so, I wouldn't be able to come along on that daydreamed adventure of ours, I'm afraid.
Hold onto your wish, Harrow. ... Do you want to know what it is, now? After all of this time, now that achieving it is a more distinct possibility than it was?
Maybe it won't come to that. There may be another way.
I do and I don't. In some ways, this is more advantageous. I don't have an emotional attachment to it, or a fear of losing it. It's only abstract. Perhaps ordinarily I might also lack motivation to fight for it, but I don't, because there are other people whose wishes I want to see granted. The obvious, people who would be dead without it, and the less obvious. Daydreams and such.
But I'm so curious about it. Knowing me, I assumed all along it was either something extremely important - for my House, for the Empire - or honestly something a little iffy, like causing the apocalypse for a dead girl. Or both. I suppose I didn't think myself so ordinary as to be here just for something so small as someone else.
Haha. I wouldn't call you ordinary by a long shot, no matter what you wished for. Considering the situation we've found ourselves in, that person must be quite special.
You've gotten me rather curious, too. It couldn't have to do with her, could it? The dead girl?
Not likely. The "dead girl" was a blithe reference to the corpse of an ancient enemy of God entombed forever behind the rock which must remain unrolled, which I have devoted my passions to.
[And Molly said he liked her wish and it seems unlikely he would have encouraged her forbidden corpse love?]
You can ask Mollymauk, as he claims to have figured it out. I don't mind, but when he tried to explain it to me it caused some sort of temporary mental breakdown.
[Or rather she got extremely sad and cried a lot for reasons she has no ability to understand.]
Yes, I figured it was your corpse crush. [ blease ]
I just might. I swear not to hold it over your head, though, if it is in fact romantic in nature, I'll want to approve first. [ stop. he trusts molly's judgement infinitely though so whatever it is, it must be very good and probably not that. ]
Let's avoid any breakdowns, though - it seems curiosity will have to wait a bit longer. How has your head been?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Don't look at me. I had prior engagements. We've talked nearly every day, it would be stranger if I didn't.
[ my wrath privileges. ]
Hopefully the organization put forward will limit it, but we ought to keep it to one person per Avatar at most. Though - I don't think it will be too much longer, if they're successful.
no subject
I wasn't suggesting not talking to her. Simply that I haven't spoken to her in the past week other than texts, and there would be too much I feel I would have to say, and at a point it no longer seemed wise.
no subject
... I don't blame you.
We talked some in person Monday. I've put aside what I can, but it's not gone - I don't think it can be. It was easier to talk with that than over text, however.
no subject
One of our earliest conversations, she told me she wasn't sure she could be quite as ruthless as she thought she was going to have to be. I said at the time - then don't. You will regret trying to be something you aren't. And she said it wasn't so simple as that. . .
I understand her plight so entirely, but that is why it is also difficult. Because she would have known what I meant by that. That my experiences are not irrelevant to the question of whether it is acceptable to exchange the souls of a group of sacrifices for power, even if the exchange appears to be necessary for survival.
My mother and father killed themselves because this is exactly what they did, in order to ensure they had an heir; to ensure I was born. And the exchange was necessary to them, necessary to our survival, and for that reason they could live with it, until the day they couldn't justify it any longer.
So I understand all of it, and I cannot hate it or blame them for it, but if I must be party to it I don't think I can live with it, either. I have never been able to live with being two hundred corpses and I cannot bear any others. Unless we can fix it, I think I may have always been destined to die here, whether by someone else's hand or my own.
no subject
I see what you mean.
... I have wondered what the limitations and extents on these wishes are.
There are still too many things up in the air to even think of anything yet. I have no interest in daydreams, as you know.
But,
...I thought perhaps I might use mine for a different intention than initially planned.
Depending on those limitations.
To fix it.
no subject
I'm not sure whether I can use my wish to help you do that, seeing as I don't know what it is. According to Molly, it is only for one person. Which is a significant surprise to me, as I don't have any friends whatsoever who aren't already here? But if anything, I've learned the value of individual people here, so I suppose I can't be so quick to trade it.
no subject
Hold onto your wish, Harrow.
... Do you want to know what it is, now? After all of this time, now that achieving it is a more distinct possibility than it was?
no subject
I do and I don't. In some ways, this is more advantageous. I don't have an emotional attachment to it, or a fear of losing it. It's only abstract. Perhaps ordinarily I might also lack motivation to fight for it, but I don't, because there are other people whose wishes I want to see granted. The obvious, people who would be dead without it, and the less obvious. Daydreams and such.
But I'm so curious about it. Knowing me, I assumed all along it was either something extremely important - for my House, for the Empire - or honestly something a little iffy, like causing the apocalypse for a dead girl. Or both. I suppose I didn't think myself so ordinary as to be here just for something so small as someone else.
no subject
You've gotten me rather curious, too. It couldn't have to do with her, could it? The dead girl?
no subject
[And Molly said he liked her wish and it seems unlikely he would have encouraged her forbidden corpse love?]
You can ask Mollymauk, as he claims to have figured it out. I don't mind, but when he tried to explain it to me it caused some sort of temporary mental breakdown.
[Or rather she got extremely sad and cried a lot for reasons she has no ability to understand.]
no subject
I just might.
I swear not to hold it over your head, though, if it is in fact romantic in nature, I'll want to approve first. [ stop. he trusts molly's judgement infinitely though so whatever it is, it must be very good and probably not that. ]
Let's avoid any breakdowns, though - it seems curiosity will have to wait a bit longer.
How has your head been?
no subject
Okay. I have had so many other things on my mind.
no subject
Good. I'm glad to hear it.
Not much longer now - let's keep this up to the end. I'd like to find that alternate route.
All or nothing.