Though, I suppose you wouldn't be if you said you were a guest of the Marquis of Order. [ that comes with a bit of a laugh, some of his usual warm playfulness, and - almost a hint of reassurance, underneath, if you squint. emotionshare is such a terribly messy thing. ] Paint my face up to match and we'll make you a fashion statement.
[ sometimes having a position like that has some benefits! the largest one being the fact that he has an unbelievable amount of clout. ]
And I do believe it. Rather - I didn't realize how utterly... well. Plain, I suppose, my home was, until I came here. More of a mindset of the people than of your own making.
Oh, it would be so dreary if the skull paint was fashionable. How would I appear intimidating.
[. . . She pauses for a long time at this, thoughtful.]
My home is also. . . I would not say plain, so much as hollow. Drearburh is small, and cold, and there isn't much to do there except pray, and I love it dearly but I cannot ever return there, and ought never to return. [A few sad, homesick feelings.]
Before coming here, I was residing on the Mithraeum, the space station that is home to the Emperor and his saints, under his instruction. [The emotions here are just kind of a sick feeling of dread.] God is good, and I am blessed to have him as a teacher. [Genuine feelings here; she cares for him less as a God and more as a father figure] But I have spent the past several months realizing how unhappy I have been since going there.
Isn't that childish? It is all I ever wanted; the opportunity to serve him and bring that honour to my House.
[ hmmm. harrow will likely feel the way gu yun's emotions shift - from his usual playfulness to something almost solemn in comparison, as he lets the words and the emotions harrow's feeling wash over him. he genuinely takes the time to consider each word. ]
...I don't think it's childish, no. [ because there's a little familiarity to that, too. ] Perhaps that is one of the benefits of being drawn here, for all of the trouble it has caused. Our world views are affected, in more ways than just the fact that we all view different worlds.
I think perhaps, it's more childish to stubbornly insist that's nothing wrong, and to assume that automatically, the things that we have always wanted will turn out to be exactly the way we thought they would be. [ and there's a flicker of empathy, to that, clearly so. the recognition of her situation, and how the indulgence center - a place that, by its very existence, begs them to be selfish - makes it so easy to realize what happens when you've separated self from identity. ​]
...Have you decided what you're going to do, when this is all over?
[A little spike of anxiety at that question. She's quiet for a minute.]
. . . It's difficult to make plans, because there are too many unknowns. I don't know my own wish - I can't remember if you know that or not, but I don't. [I, Siz, also can't remember if he knows that.] I don't know what having it granted will change. And frankly, I don't know that we're even going to get out of here rather than be eaten by some sort of creature. So planning feels reckless.
[Another pause.]
Mollymauk has rather insisted that I do make plans, and that those plans include not returning home. So, maybe. But I haven't settled on anything, because it would be utterly premature and may not work out.
[ i don't remember either so it works either way sweats
he agrees on all fronts, particularly with the creature itself, making a brief bit of a face and nodding along. it is truly, truly unfortunate that it's emotion share week, because the combination of this topic and the name she mentions get a deep squeeze of affection and something even sweeter, which he tries to smash down with a hammer 1.5 seconds after its put out into the ether but it's too late. unfortunate.
quickly, he picks up on the thread of the conversation, though, no trepidation in telling Harrow the truth about this little fact instead: ] I haven't shared my wish with many, but I doubt it will surprise you, that I have wished for the eternal peace of Great Liang. [ that's all he's ever wanted, in his entire life, is for great liang to thrive, to be safe and unthreatened. to protect his home. it was an easy wish, and one he's been so fiercely protective of in his time here.
there's a beat. he huffs. ]
... Molly laughed at me for my lack of plans, so you're in good company. [ gu yun says, eventually, reaching up to rub at his nose - he plays a little wry and offended, but he isn't. ] I realized during that conversation that if we achieve our goals and obtain our desires, I will be completely out of a job. Not only that, but I'll have an entire life to contend with, when I was rather sure that I'd be dead before I turned twenty-five. I've never even thought about what else I would do.
[ and it's not just a job, either. not for gu yun, whose entire existence is wrapped around the concept of keeping his beloved homeland safe. good leaders, good generals - they often don't get the chance to retire, or die from old age. he had always seen himself like a firework, dying on a battlefield in a burst of glory, for the name of love and country.
here, he's put everything on the line for the peace of his homeland. he doesn't regret it; the position of the marquis of order will no longer be needed, for the good of great liang.
but what happens to the person behind the title? ]
Ah. [She smiles a little. The feeling about Molly is very sweet; she doesn't judge it or feel embarrassed. Her own feelings toward him are incredibly warm as well, if much more familial, and she doesn't even bother to hide it. His wish is quite sweet, as well.] You are afraid you'll grow bored, in peacetime?
. . . My world has been so narrow. I admit that the idea of going somewhere else is a little frightening to me, embarrassing as that is. I'm - I don't know. I'm oddly worried about something that may not even happen.
[She just feels really nervous in general about all of this, but more jittery in a way that seems normal for someone her age contemplating major life changes, instead of some kind of intense goth emotion. Will she fit in? Will it be weird, if she goes?]
Please don't let Molly give you a hard time about plans of all things. His primary plan is to go meet his friend's mother because he heard she is incredibly attractive.
[ the last part gets him to laugh, bright with amusement. ] Yes, the “ruby of the sea”, so I’ve heard. A truly poetic plan.
[ however, it’s better than having no plan besides “uh retire I guess” maybe so. here we are.
After a brief moment of pause, though, he offers harrow a smile. ] Think of it like this. What could possibly be stranger than where we are right now? I’m not sure what will await you in another place, but I imagine it won’t contain cursed cake, or weekly murders with increasingly bizarre circumstances. Panther included.
If you made it here - [ and, in the sense of acceptance, perhaps, not just survival ] - then, I think the rest of all of these worlds will seem like child’s play, in comparison. And the people here are just as bizarre. In fact - at least for me, most people here are ten times as bizarre as anything I ever saw at home, but despite us all being rather odd and strangely indulgent, we’re all quite fond of you.
[ including himself. though without saying it Bc that’s gross he can’t have a real emotion except for the fondness harrow can certainly feel under that layer of playful ease. ]
[ stop perceiving him!!! his cool and manly exterior!!
there’s a pause. ]
...Not until recently. [ please perceive him less now, he’s looking out at the ocean. it hides absolutely nothing of his emotions, and they’re... complicated. warm, but unsure. guilty. denial like a brick wall, and then... something closer to lost.
. it’s so odd, for him to feel even remotely off of his footing, and this place keeps knocking him off of it. ] And not permanently, either.
... I think you’re right, that I would get bored. Can you see me settling down in the countryside? Opening a makeup shop, raising cattle? I had to do something similar undercover for a couple of years, and I almost couldn’t stand it - I did every mission I could possibly think of, even when I was supposed to be lying low.
Wrath told me she spent some time traveling, from world to world, before she came here. The idea... if my desire does come true, then it’s appealing.
But - even if it doesn’t need me, Great Liang is still my home. And there’s no other world I could ever love as much.
Ah. I suppose I'll always love the Ninth House, as well. But. . . as I said, even if I could go back there, I don't think I ought to. It will survive now, without me. If I went back, they would all. . . continue to think of me as their saviour, and let me do whatever I like.
[ after a moment, gu yun's eyes crinkle up at the corners, in an amused smile. it's less shitty than usual, fonder, a little wry. ]
Perhaps, should we find a way to do so, we could all go together for a little while. Who knows what sort of terrible trouble Molly and I would get up to on our own - and we certainly wouldn't let you do whatever you like. [ teasing: ] Heaven forbid, we visited a world and you locked yourself in a library.
[Aww. She takes the teasing well, laughing a little, even though there's that worry again.]
. . . I think he will want to see his friends again. But. I suppose, if I go someplace other than back to the Mithraeum, and if we aren't all betrayed and devoured here, I would likely go with him. So then - it could work. But you ought to ask him yourself. [Don't avoid that conversation by talking to her about it, idiot.]
And don't worry about libraries. Worry about crypts.
Please don't get us kicked off of some strange, bizarre planet because you insisted on touching bones.
[ can we joke about this instead of acknowledging anything else in this sentence. no, probably not. ]
It couldn't be right away, anyhow. I've my own affairs to take care of. Chang Geng is still young - it will be a few years before he's old enough to move to the palace and spend his life with his actual family.
[ ... ] It feels a bit silly, to dream so optimistically. How very indulgent, I think.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ sometimes having a position like that has some benefits! the largest one being the fact that he has an unbelievable amount of clout. ]
And I do believe it. Rather - I didn't realize how utterly... well. Plain, I suppose, my home was, until I came here. More of a mindset of the people than of your own making.
no subject
[. . . She pauses for a long time at this, thoughtful.]
My home is also. . . I would not say plain, so much as hollow. Drearburh is small, and cold, and there isn't much to do there except pray, and I love it dearly but I cannot ever return there, and ought never to return. [A few sad, homesick feelings.]
Before coming here, I was residing on the Mithraeum, the space station that is home to the Emperor and his saints, under his instruction. [The emotions here are just kind of a sick feeling of dread.] God is good, and I am blessed to have him as a teacher. [Genuine feelings here; she cares for him less as a God and more as a father figure] But I have spent the past several months realizing how unhappy I have been since going there.
Isn't that childish? It is all I ever wanted; the opportunity to serve him and bring that honour to my House.
no subject
...I don't think it's childish, no. [ because there's a little familiarity to that, too. ] Perhaps that is one of the benefits of being drawn here, for all of the trouble it has caused. Our world views are affected, in more ways than just the fact that we all view different worlds.
I think perhaps, it's more childish to stubbornly insist that's nothing wrong, and to assume that automatically, the things that we have always wanted will turn out to be exactly the way we thought they would be. [ and there's a flicker of empathy, to that, clearly so. the recognition of her situation, and how the indulgence center - a place that, by its very existence, begs them to be selfish - makes it so easy to realize what happens when you've separated self from identity. ​]
...Have you decided what you're going to do, when this is all over?
no subject
. . . It's difficult to make plans, because there are too many unknowns. I don't know my own wish - I can't remember if you know that or not, but I don't. [I, Siz, also can't remember if he knows that.] I don't know what having it granted will change. And frankly, I don't know that we're even going to get out of here rather than be eaten by some sort of creature. So planning feels reckless.
[Another pause.]
Mollymauk has rather insisted that I do make plans, and that those plans include not returning home. So, maybe. But I haven't settled on anything, because it would be utterly premature and may not work out.
no subject
he agrees on all fronts, particularly with the creature itself, making a brief bit of a face and nodding along. it is truly, truly unfortunate that it's emotion share week, because the combination of this topic and the name she mentions get a deep squeeze of affection and something even sweeter, which he tries to smash down with a hammer 1.5 seconds after its put out into the ether but it's too late. unfortunate.
quickly, he picks up on the thread of the conversation, though, no trepidation in telling Harrow the truth about this little fact instead: ] I haven't shared my wish with many, but I doubt it will surprise you, that I have wished for the eternal peace of Great Liang. [ that's all he's ever wanted, in his entire life, is for great liang to thrive, to be safe and unthreatened. to protect his home. it was an easy wish, and one he's been so fiercely protective of in his time here.
there's a beat. he huffs. ]
... Molly laughed at me for my lack of plans, so you're in good company. [ gu yun says, eventually, reaching up to rub at his nose - he plays a little wry and offended, but he isn't. ] I realized during that conversation that if we achieve our goals and obtain our desires, I will be completely out of a job. Not only that, but I'll have an entire life to contend with, when I was rather sure that I'd be dead before I turned twenty-five. I've never even thought about what else I would do.
[ and it's not just a job, either. not for gu yun, whose entire existence is wrapped around the concept of keeping his beloved homeland safe. good leaders, good generals - they often don't get the chance to retire, or die from old age. he had always seen himself like a firework, dying on a battlefield in a burst of glory, for the name of love and country.
here, he's put everything on the line for the peace of his homeland. he doesn't regret it; the position of the marquis of order will no longer be needed, for the good of great liang.
but what happens to the person behind the title? ]
no subject
. . . My world has been so narrow. I admit that the idea of going somewhere else is a little frightening to me, embarrassing as that is. I'm - I don't know. I'm oddly worried about something that may not even happen.
[She just feels really nervous in general about all of this, but more jittery in a way that seems normal for someone her age contemplating major life changes, instead of some kind of intense goth emotion. Will she fit in? Will it be weird, if she goes?]
Please don't let Molly give you a hard time about plans of all things. His primary plan is to go meet his friend's mother because he heard she is incredibly attractive.
no subject
[ however, it’s better than having no plan besides “uh retire I guess” maybe so. here we are.
After a brief moment of pause, though, he offers harrow a smile. ] Think of it like this. What could possibly be stranger than where we are right now? I’m not sure what will await you in another place, but I imagine it won’t contain cursed cake, or weekly murders with increasingly bizarre circumstances. Panther included.
If you made it here - [ and, in the sense of acceptance, perhaps, not just survival ] - then, I think the rest of all of these worlds will seem like child’s play, in comparison. And the people here are just as bizarre. In fact - at least for me, most people here are ten times as bizarre as anything I ever saw at home, but despite us all being rather odd and strangely indulgent, we’re all quite fond of you.
[ including himself. though without saying it Bc that’s gross he can’t have a real emotion except for the fondness harrow can certainly feel under that layer of playful ease. ]
no subject
But it's all very sweet, and she likes hearing it and feeling it, too.]
That is very bizarre, now that you mention it.
What about you? Have you ever considered going elsewhere?
no subject
there’s a pause. ]
...Not until recently. [ please perceive him less now, he’s looking out at the ocean. it hides absolutely nothing of his emotions, and they’re... complicated. warm, but unsure. guilty. denial like a brick wall, and then... something closer to lost.
. it’s so odd, for him to feel even remotely off of his footing, and this place keeps knocking him off of it. ] And not permanently, either.
... I think you’re right, that I would get bored. Can you see me settling down in the countryside? Opening a makeup shop, raising cattle? I had to do something similar undercover for a couple of years, and I almost couldn’t stand it - I did every mission I could possibly think of, even when I was supposed to be lying low.
Wrath told me she spent some time traveling, from world to world, before she came here. The idea... if my desire does come true, then it’s appealing.
But - even if it doesn’t need me, Great Liang is still my home. And there’s no other world I could ever love as much.
no subject
I think it sounds nice, traveling for a while.
no subject
Perhaps, should we find a way to do so, we could all go together for a little while. Who knows what sort of terrible trouble Molly and I would get up to on our own - and we certainly wouldn't let you do whatever you like. [ teasing: ] Heaven forbid, we visited a world and you locked yourself in a library.
no subject
. . . I think he will want to see his friends again. But. I suppose, if I go someplace other than back to the Mithraeum, and if we aren't all betrayed and devoured here, I would likely go with him. So then - it could work. But you ought to ask him yourself. [Don't avoid that conversation by talking to her about it, idiot.]
And don't worry about libraries. Worry about crypts.
no subject
[ can we joke about this instead of acknowledging anything else in this sentence. no, probably not. ]
It couldn't be right away, anyhow. I've my own affairs to take care of. Chang Geng is still young - it will be a few years before he's old enough to move to the palace and spend his life with his actual family.
[ ... ] It feels a bit silly, to dream so optimistically. How very indulgent, I think.
no subject
[Petulant.]
It is all so wasteful and I don't believe in having pointless daydreams when there is work to be done.
[But it's kind of nice.]
no subject
[ they've talked around it, anyway. it's. men are stupid, it's fine.
the last bit gets a little laugh, wry. ] Neither do I. We'll see how the week unfolds, won't we?