gu yun frowns, listening carefully to what harrow recites to him. even with the context of the memory, a lot of it doesn't make sense, so give him a moment to take it apart and try to get down to the deeper meaning.
which. hm. ]
Can't think of anything more indulgent than ignoring explicit instructions from yourself and doing something anyway. [ this comment comes as dry as the gobi desert. he's deep in thought, though, tapping his fingertips against the inside of his arm. ]
I'll raise you this - here, none of you all have any sort of special powers, no matter how good you were at them. That your affliction has followed you here is unrelated to that. [ likely because its something disabling; gu yun's intimately familiar with how much that sucks, so he doesn't bother saying more than that on it, skipping on to the main point. ] All of those threats you have passed upon yourself have no meaning in this place, because there's no way to follow through upon them outside of the context of your homeland.
That being said, when we return from this place - [ when, for sure, not if, ] - that is when you will likely have to face those consequences, so they are only delayed.
Whatever you choose, whatever you will, weigh those factors carefully. [ a pause, and then. ] ...If it were me, I'd likely do it.
[ that curiosity would eat him alive, honestly, so he'd do it in a heartbeat. ]
. . . I take the threats from myself as less literal, and more intended to make me understand the importance of the instructions. [Gu Yun saw in her memory the tomb, what was inside - how it made her want to survive.] As another might swear by God, or by their ancestors' graves.
[The meaning she takes from this is just that she has forbidden herself from undoing what she has done.]
When I awoke from my convalescence, before I was given the missives I had written to myself, I was in a state of . . . I suppose the appropriate word would be despair. [Something like a wry smile.] I have always hated being told to do, even by my own self, but in that moment it was a relief. To have instructions to follow. To have something around which to build my life, to have meaning to pursue. Without it, I very much fear I would still be lying in that hospital bed, gazing out onto the stars for days and weeks on end, unable to bring myself to leave it.
[She pauses for a moment.] Since coming here, I feel that I have to some degree recovered a ghost of who I once was. I no longer feel so apathetic, without purpose. There are things I care to do for myself, regardless of whether it is an instruction I have given. I could choose to defy my own orders.
And yet, given the depths of despair I had fallen into without any understanding or reason, and given my own missives, I do greatly fear what may lie within there.
Did I ever tell you that I do not know my own wish? I have no recollection of what it is I bargained for in order to come here. It was the old Harrowhark who made that deal.
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gu yun frowns, listening carefully to what harrow recites to him. even with the context of the memory, a lot of it doesn't make sense, so give him a moment to take it apart and try to get down to the deeper meaning.
which. hm. ]
Can't think of anything more indulgent than ignoring explicit instructions from yourself and doing something anyway. [ this comment comes as dry as the gobi desert. he's deep in thought, though, tapping his fingertips against the inside of his arm. ]
I'll raise you this - here, none of you all have any sort of special powers, no matter how good you were at them. That your affliction has followed you here is unrelated to that. [ likely because its something disabling; gu yun's intimately familiar with how much that sucks, so he doesn't bother saying more than that on it, skipping on to the main point. ] All of those threats you have passed upon yourself have no meaning in this place, because there's no way to follow through upon them outside of the context of your homeland.
That being said, when we return from this place - [ when, for sure, not if, ] - that is when you will likely have to face those consequences, so they are only delayed.
Whatever you choose, whatever you will, weigh those factors carefully. [ a pause, and then. ] ...If it were me, I'd likely do it.
[ that curiosity would eat him alive, honestly, so he'd do it in a heartbeat. ]
no subject
[The meaning she takes from this is just that she has forbidden herself from undoing what she has done.]
When I awoke from my convalescence, before I was given the missives I had written to myself, I was in a state of . . . I suppose the appropriate word would be despair. [Something like a wry smile.] I have always hated being told to do, even by my own self, but in that moment it was a relief. To have instructions to follow. To have something around which to build my life, to have meaning to pursue. Without it, I very much fear I would still be lying in that hospital bed, gazing out onto the stars for days and weeks on end, unable to bring myself to leave it.
[She pauses for a moment.] Since coming here, I feel that I have to some degree recovered a ghost of who I once was. I no longer feel so apathetic, without purpose. There are things I care to do for myself, regardless of whether it is an instruction I have given. I could choose to defy my own orders.
And yet, given the depths of despair I had fallen into without any understanding or reason, and given my own missives, I do greatly fear what may lie within there.
Did I ever tell you that I do not know my own wish? I have no recollection of what it is I bargained for in order to come here. It was the old Harrowhark who made that deal.