[ losing random skills you thought you were talented at over the week sure has been something. with little rhyme or reason to the amount of time or what goes missing, by now gu yun has figured out that it's not permanent, and mostly just an irritant. his alcohol tolerance returned to him, and he's gain and lost other things intermittently through the week, but, on thursday afternoon, something goes missing that gu yun is not, in any way, ready to lose.
there's a sound in the kitchen that's loud - like clattering. the thud of furniture falling, or someone running into it, a swear, and then, silence.
coming around the corner to investigate shows the source of the noise. it's gu yun, but he's not making mischief or anything - instead, he's standing next to one of the tables, where a chair has been knocked over, and a drink knocked off of the table itself - as if he had just slipped.
he's white knuckling the table, though. it's obvious from even a distance, that his shoulders are as stiff as a board, and he seems to be almost frozen to the spot.
[ normally, gu yun is quick to respond to others. after all, he's a soldier - his reflexes are quick and well trained, and he reacts quickly to anything and everything, no matter what it might be. a clever quip, a bright smile, something obnoxious and annoying, or ready to defend himself in a moment, if necessary.
but, strangely, he seems to react almost...late, to harrow. his head whips up, suddenly, from where he's standing when she speaks, and a half-beat later than usual, there's that normal smile on his face. ]
Harrow. [ he says, in greeting, raising a hand. the other hand hasn't left the table, hasn't let up even an ounce on his tight, tight grip, and gu yun holds completely still where he's standing, the cup still dripping on the floor. ] Just a bit clumsy, it seems. Nothing to worry about. Come for a snack?
[Hmm. That doesn't really seem right to her. She. . . is used to seeing strange things, trying to cover for them. His reaction strikes her as similar somehow.]
. . . Are you sure? You're dripping. If you're in pain, don't be an infant and own up to it.
Mm - yes, that's it. I just slammed my knee into the table, that's all.
[ he jumps to this answer almost immediately. you're still dripping catches his attention, and he listens, strains for the sound of water on the floor, falling from the table. ] Do you think I'm infant-like?
[ this sort of silly, teasing banter of his is normal, and he bats his eyelashes at harrow, playful, carefree. it does draw attention, though - the red mole that usually sticks out under his eye is gone completely.
slowly, gu yun takes a step, like he's going to move again, stepping back from where he'd spilled the cup, but his hand never leaves the rim of the table. ] Suppose I should get to cleaning that up.
[ and he's looking at her, definitely, but... something's off about it? like his gaze is maybe an inch or two over his head. he takes another careful step. ]
...I can take care of it, though, unless you're planning to help!
Oh, if you insist, I'll help. [She'll approach carefully, so as not to startle him when she's suddenly in his space, and will right the cup, and grab some napkins.]
[ he hears it, first, the footsteps, and... feels it, too. the sensation of someone coming closer, the movement of air in the room. gu yun's grip tightens on the table, again. it's usually so much easier to just - ]
... [ he's silenced, his usually clever tongue tied as he reaches for a skill he's had to have his entire life, and finds nothing there.
gu yun's voice is quieter and less obnoxious, like he's trying to reach for the familiar, familiar lie. ] ...I do insist. [ the joke, the tease, the way he'd fluster chang geng and send him skittering out of the room before he could tell-- it's just not there. no matter how hard he tries, gu yun can't cover for himself. not now.
to keep other Houses from seeing potential weaknesses, he had assessed, when harrow opened up to him some about her life, just a few days ago. at the time, it just seemed like a clever observation, the natural follow through to what she had told him.
there is much weight to a legacy, to a line. harrow had said.
the last thing gu yun was expecting was for the reasons why he understood to come to light.
what sort of a gu, son of the old marquis, is blind? ]
[ is the answer, finally, almost gritted out between his teeth. even if he could see, he wouldn't be looking. he's too prideful to lie about it, but too prideful to admit anything more, too. the first true sign of why he must have been sorted to this glowing crown on his hand. ]
[She watches him, carefully again, aware he isn't watching her back. He didn't damage them sometime this week. So, then, is he denying that they're damaged? Or is it just that they were already damaged?]
I won't force you to tell me anything you don't want to, you know. But if it's going to put you at risk, you're better off telling the truth.
[ he laughs, once - a sharp, sort of humorless sound. ]
It's not going to put me at risk. It's nothing new. [ right now, he's just relying on the fact that it's temporary - like losing his alcohol tolerance, or temporarily losing his voice. ]
...The skill - what I cannot do - is pretend, right now.
there's quiet for a moment, as he finally pulls his hand away from the table. he's used to finding his way around the world when necessary. gu yun depends on his other senses - the air moving in the room and against his skin, the soft hum of the machines in the kitchen, the smells in the air. it's nothing he isn't used to, but at the same time. at the same time.
he inhales, and exhales, shoulders rigidly set. ] I don't know the layout of this base well enough to get back to my room. [ it's not like home. he hasn't been here long enough. he thought - gu yun thought he'd have more time. when this returns, he'll have to spend some time canvassing the place, even further, not to be caught off guard like this again. just in case. just in case.
the plan comes out crisply and cleanly, the words of a commander; not an ounce of weakness to be shown, despite how gu yun wants to crawl out of his skin. ] I'll act like I'm drunk, and you're helping me back to my room. If anyone asks, be as brutal as you like in maintaining the story.
[ to maintain the illusion anyway. somehow he doubts that will be much of a problem. ]
[It's cruel, but it isn't unfamiliar. She listens to him calmly, without comment. It's easy enough to do. When she responds, her voice is harsh and scolding.]
What story? You've come in here and made a mess of things, reeking of liquor. Control yourself, you careless fool. You won't win any prizes for drowning yourself in drink.
[She'll offer him, cautiously, her hand on his arm to steady him. She wouldn't do much more for someone drunk, anyway. She'll start leading him out of the kitchen.]
[ normally, it would take gu yun barely a second to recalibrate - to calculate the relative position of harrow in comparison to himself, from the sound of her voice, from the way the air moves around her - but today, he can't find that skill. he can't look at her in the way he looks at things, but there's a moment there where luck finds her face.
and she'll see, just for a flash, that some of that tense, teeth-gritted stress softens with a faint appreciation.
followed immediately by a boisterous laugh, as he drapes himself into her side like an obnoxious, sticky burr. ] Hahh. Who's drunk? You're drunk! Harrrrow, come drink more with me, 'm Great Liang'sh finest...
[ at least his skill at acting in other ways hasn't vanished. he takes a stumbling step forward as they start to move, keeping his attention focused on the world around them the best that he can. ]
[But she'll lead him anyway, careful to keep an eye on the floor, making sure to guide him if there are any obstacles, press on his arm in warning if there's a dip or bump in a doorway.
When there's no one around, she'll speak a little haltingly.]
. . . My marshal used to need to guide me around this way. You see, I see things that aren't there, from time to time. It happened most when I was a child, and Crux would need follow me about the castle, letting me know which things I saw were real and which only existed in my mind. It stopped for a time, and then when I traveled to the emperor's seat, surrounded by the scions of the other houses, it began once more. Primarily in written word - a scrap of paper may appear to me covered in rantings and ravings that are visible to no one but myself.
[Hence. Wigging the fuck out when she got a haunted text chain.]
Lately, my condition has deteriorated. I suffered an injury to my head a few months ago, and the delusions have become far more frequent, accompanied from time to time by fainting spells or bleeding of the brain.
I've tried to keep this close, given that the information might lead others to see me as an easy mark. [She pauses for a moment.] But I can speak freely to a drunkard who won't remember a word of this come morning.
[ for the most part, he's quiet as they walk, still focused outwards. gu yun will let out a snicker every now and then, perfectly playing the part of a drunken lush after a busy morning brunch (?), and wobbling into harrow, being sure to lean his weight on hers. however, he responds easily to the obstacles, and never once hits a thing.
he reaches in his pocket for his phone, to open the door. they can just go to his room, for now - law shouldn't be there. thanks pcs, and once the door is shut, he straightens again, spine ramrod straight. the room is familiar enough (he's already walked it more than enough times that he knows the layout, walked each part of the room with his eyes closed, when he could see. learning, learning) and so, he finds a chair and settles in it while harrow talks.
...it's not the first time, that he's related to something she said. the things they have in common continue to err on the side of depressing, but... there's a sort of camaraderie to it, even if it's to something he wouldn't ever admit to by choice. (and, gu yun recalls the silly letter he'd sent along with the blessing of his co conspirator, and winces a bit, internally. rotten luck, but it's like him to stumble accidentally into causing someone an issue when trying to be funny.)
he's quiet, for a long moment, and then, eventually, his expression shifts, into a lopsided, sardonic smile.]
...Someone who sees too much, and someone who doesn't see at all. What a pair we make.
[ it's only a joke in the way that you have to comment on something like that to cope with it. it's the only way he knows how to deal with both the revelation of his own secret and with the trust that harrow is giving him in exchange, in what he is going to trust her with, too. it's - it's a lot. he takes a deep breath.
and doesn't reject what's given, leaning into this offering of trust, tentatively. ]
Do you know what triggers it in specific? [ my marshal, she'd said. there's some irony there, too. ] Or is it sudden and random?
[She'll let him go easily once they're in the room, not wanting to wound his pride. She paces a bit as she talks, both absent and a way to let him know where she is.]
I believe there are specific triggers, but. . . thinking too deeply on what those triggers might be is one of them. So you can imagine I haven't bothered to puzzle it out.
[She touches her hand to her temple, her frontal lobe, feeling the beginnings of an excruciating headache already.]
[ gu yun can't see her touching her head, which is unfortunate - he gets the same symptom, and will likely be experiencing it soon. instead, he just settles where he's sitting, looking slightly less tense than he did ten minutes ago, resting his chin on his hand. ]
I can imagine. [ snort. yeah. ] Alright. [ he won't press. she's not pressing. it's. nice, actually. it's what he would want, ultimately, and gu yun shifts, for a moment, teetering like he's deciding before he finally says, softly - ]
....thanks.
[ no specification other than that, but it's sincere.
there's a moment of quiet. ]
....If you pass out in public, I'll let everyone know you're swooning over me. [ aaaand there it goes. at least he's joking ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
its a thing... jk Wednesday night w1
there's a sound in the kitchen that's loud - like clattering. the thud of furniture falling, or someone running into it, a swear, and then, silence.
coming around the corner to investigate shows the source of the noise. it's gu yun, but he's not making mischief or anything - instead, he's standing next to one of the tables, where a chair has been knocked over, and a drink knocked off of the table itself - as if he had just slipped.
he's white knuckling the table, though. it's obvious from even a distance, that his shoulders are as stiff as a board, and he seems to be almost frozen to the spot.
thats suspicious... thats weird, ]
no subject
Gu Yun? Are you all right?
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but, strangely, he seems to react almost...late, to harrow. his head whips up, suddenly, from where he's standing when she speaks, and a half-beat later than usual, there's that normal smile on his face. ]
Harrow. [ he says, in greeting, raising a hand. the other hand hasn't left the table, hasn't let up even an ounce on his tight, tight grip, and gu yun holds completely still where he's standing, the cup still dripping on the floor. ] Just a bit clumsy, it seems. Nothing to worry about. Come for a snack?
no subject
. . . Are you sure? You're dripping. If you're in pain, don't be an infant and own up to it.
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[ he jumps to this answer almost immediately. you're still dripping catches his attention, and he listens, strains for the sound of water on the floor, falling from the table. ] Do you think I'm infant-like?
[ this sort of silly, teasing banter of his is normal, and he bats his eyelashes at harrow, playful, carefree. it does draw attention, though - the red mole that usually sticks out under his eye is gone completely.
slowly, gu yun takes a step, like he's going to move again, stepping back from where he'd spilled the cup, but his hand never leaves the rim of the table. ] Suppose I should get to cleaning that up.
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[Hmm. She's watching him doing all this. Is he looking at her? What is he looking at? Anything?]
But if you make a mess in the kitchen, you'll be scolded.
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[ and he's looking at her, definitely, but... something's off about it? like his gaze is maybe an inch or two over his head. he takes another careful step. ]
...I can take care of it, though, unless you're planning to help!
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Oh, if you insist, I'll help. [She'll approach carefully, so as not to startle him when she's suddenly in his space, and will right the cup, and grab some napkins.]
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[ he hears it, first, the footsteps, and... feels it, too. the sensation of someone coming closer, the movement of air in the room. gu yun's grip tightens on the table, again. it's usually so much easier to just - ]
... [ he's silenced, his usually clever tongue tied as he reaches for a skill he's had to have his entire life, and finds nothing there.
gu yun's voice is quieter and less obnoxious, like he's trying to reach for the familiar, familiar lie. ] ...I do insist. [ the joke, the tease, the way he'd fluster chang geng and send him skittering out of the room before he could tell-- it's just not there. no matter how hard he tries, gu yun can't cover for himself. not now.
to keep other Houses from seeing potential weaknesses, he had assessed, when harrow opened up to him some about her life, just a few days ago. at the time, it just seemed like a clever observation, the natural follow through to what she had told him.
there is much weight to a legacy, to a line. harrow had said.
the last thing gu yun was expecting was for the reasons why he understood to come to light.
what sort of a gu, son of the old marquis, is blind? ]
no subject
[She'll get to work cleaning, trying to decide how much to say; whether to acknowledge something he's obviously trying to keep hidden.
Finally she decides - yes. He's shared a thing or two with her. Perhaps it's all right.]
Did you damage them sometime this week?
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a long pause. ]
...No.
[ is the answer, finally, almost gritted out between his teeth. even if he could see, he wouldn't be looking. he's too prideful to lie about it, but too prideful to admit anything more, too. the first true sign of why he must have been sorted to this glowing crown on his hand. ]
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I won't force you to tell me anything you don't want to, you know. But if it's going to put you at risk, you're better off telling the truth.
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It's not going to put me at risk. It's nothing new. [ right now, he's just relying on the fact that it's temporary - like losing his alcohol tolerance, or temporarily losing his voice. ]
...The skill - what I cannot do - is pretend, right now.
no subject
[Not being able to pretend, to hide one's weaknesses - that's dreadful. She sets her jaw hard, as she finishes cleaning.]
Until it passes, allow me to help you continue the illusion. It is paramount, I think, that we continue to keep our vulnerabilities hidden.
no subject
there's quiet for a moment, as he finally pulls his hand away from the table. he's used to finding his way around the world when necessary. gu yun depends on his other senses - the air moving in the room and against his skin, the soft hum of the machines in the kitchen, the smells in the air. it's nothing he isn't used to, but at the same time. at the same time.
he inhales, and exhales, shoulders rigidly set. ] I don't know the layout of this base well enough to get back to my room. [ it's not like home. he hasn't been here long enough. he thought - gu yun thought he'd have more time. when this returns, he'll have to spend some time canvassing the place, even further, not to be caught off guard like this again. just in case. just in case.
the plan comes out crisply and cleanly, the words of a commander; not an ounce of weakness to be shown, despite how gu yun wants to crawl out of his skin. ] I'll act like I'm drunk, and you're helping me back to my room. If anyone asks, be as brutal as you like in maintaining the story.
[ to maintain the illusion anyway. somehow he doubts that will be much of a problem. ]
no subject
What story? You've come in here and made a mess of things, reeking of liquor. Control yourself, you careless fool. You won't win any prizes for drowning yourself in drink.
[She'll offer him, cautiously, her hand on his arm to steady him. She wouldn't do much more for someone drunk, anyway. She'll start leading him out of the kitchen.]
no subject
and she'll see, just for a flash, that some of that tense, teeth-gritted stress softens with a faint appreciation.
followed immediately by a boisterous laugh, as he drapes himself into her side like an obnoxious, sticky burr. ] Hahh. Who's drunk? You're drunk! Harrrrow, come drink more with me, 'm Great Liang'sh finest...
[ at least his skill at acting in other ways hasn't vanished. he takes a stumbling step forward as they start to move, keeping his attention focused on the world around them the best that he can. ]
no subject
[But she'll lead him anyway, careful to keep an eye on the floor, making sure to guide him if there are any obstacles, press on his arm in warning if there's a dip or bump in a doorway.
When there's no one around, she'll speak a little haltingly.]
. . . My marshal used to need to guide me around this way. You see, I see things that aren't there, from time to time. It happened most when I was a child, and Crux would need follow me about the castle, letting me know which things I saw were real and which only existed in my mind. It stopped for a time, and then when I traveled to the emperor's seat, surrounded by the scions of the other houses, it began once more. Primarily in written word - a scrap of paper may appear to me covered in rantings and ravings that are visible to no one but myself.
[Hence. Wigging the fuck out when she got a haunted text chain.]
Lately, my condition has deteriorated. I suffered an injury to my head a few months ago, and the delusions have become far more frequent, accompanied from time to time by fainting spells or bleeding of the brain.
I've tried to keep this close, given that the information might lead others to see me as an easy mark. [She pauses for a moment.] But I can speak freely to a drunkard who won't remember a word of this come morning.
no subject
he reaches in his pocket for his phone, to open the door. they can just go to his room, for now - law shouldn't be there. thanks pcs, and once the door is shut, he straightens again, spine ramrod straight. the room is familiar enough (he's already walked it more than enough times that he knows the layout, walked each part of the room with his eyes closed, when he could see. learning, learning) and so, he finds a chair and settles in it while harrow talks.
...it's not the first time, that he's related to something she said. the things they have in common continue to err on the side of depressing, but... there's a sort of camaraderie to it, even if it's to something he wouldn't ever admit to by choice. (and, gu yun recalls the silly letter he'd sent along with the blessing of his co conspirator, and winces a bit, internally. rotten luck, but it's like him to stumble accidentally into causing someone an issue when trying to be funny.)
he's quiet, for a long moment, and then, eventually, his expression shifts, into a lopsided, sardonic smile.]
...Someone who sees too much, and someone who doesn't see at all. What a pair we make.
[ it's only a joke in the way that you have to comment on something like that to cope with it. it's the only way he knows how to deal with both the revelation of his own secret and with the trust that harrow is giving him in exchange, in what he is going to trust her with, too. it's - it's a lot. he takes a deep breath.
and doesn't reject what's given, leaning into this offering of trust, tentatively. ]
Do you know what triggers it in specific? [ my marshal, she'd said. there's some irony there, too. ] Or is it sudden and random?
no subject
[She'll let him go easily once they're in the room, not wanting to wound his pride. She paces a bit as she talks, both absent and a way to let him know where she is.]
I believe there are specific triggers, but. . . thinking too deeply on what those triggers might be is one of them. So you can imagine I haven't bothered to puzzle it out.
[She touches her hand to her temple, her frontal lobe, feeling the beginnings of an excruciating headache already.]
no subject
I can imagine. [ snort. yeah. ] Alright. [ he won't press. she's not pressing. it's. nice, actually. it's what he would want, ultimately, and gu yun shifts, for a moment, teetering like he's deciding before he finally says, softly - ]
....thanks.
[ no specification other than that, but it's sincere.
there's a moment of quiet. ]
....If you pass out in public, I'll let everyone know you're swooning over me. [ aaaand there it goes. at least he's joking ]
no subject
[Her tone is harsh, but like. It is a joke. She doesn't acknowledge the thanks, but she hears it. Understood.]